A Participant of the 1964 Arts Festival
A NIKKATSU PRESENTATION
GAZING AT LOVE AND DEATH
Produced by: Eisei Koi Written by: Yasutarô Yagi
Based on the story by: Michiko Oshima and Minoru Sawano
Poor Mako, Miko's beloved
Cinematography by: Kenji Hagiwara
Lighting by: Mitsuo Onishi Sound by: Saburo Takahashi
Production Design by: Takeharu Sakaguchi Film Editing by: Mitsuo Kondo
Two people and only one star guiding them
Music by: Taiichirô Kosugi
CAST
Mitsuo Hamada Sayuri Yoshinaga
One heart and one hope for two
Tocho Miyako, Kotoe Hatsui, Sizuko Kasagi, Tanie Kitabayashi, Taketoshi Naitô
I blossomed for Mako alone
Nobuo Kaakami, Hajime Sugiyama, Tsuchiyasu Kinohara, Keiko Hara
Haruna Kaburagi, Masahiro Kinoshita, Jenji Yamada
Densuke Mitsuzawa, Shingo Ishioka, Toshihiko Miyagawa, Takashi Koshiba
Toshiko Suzuki, Chiyoko Shimizu, Eiko Takada, Yoshie Mifune, Shoko Sakamaki
Hiromi Kato, Yuko Tarui, Yoko Ooyagi, Fumiko Arita, Keiko Kitaide
Stay strong! Mako, you're a man!
Yasue Nishihara, Akie Iwaki, Keiko Onda, Kumiko Mizumori
Miko, stay alive for at least another minute...
Chishû Ryû, Jukichi Uno
Directed by: Buichi Saitô
In your last letter, you're asking me how I'm feeling.
But it can't go on like this...
...so I pulled myself together and decided to write this.
Please, don't take it the wrong way.
If you really love me, from now on you must forget about me.
Please, start your life from a blank slate.
Mako, I got sick four years ago.
The same time I met you at the hospital.
Fourth pitch! Ball!
Out! Ball! The score is 2:2
Another out. Fifth pitch.
He has to focus.
He swings his bat. Nagashima on the pitch again!
Home run! He just did a home run!
- What a shame! - Nagashima did well!
- They changed the pitcher again. - No one's asking Hanshin fans.
Michiko-san, why do you love Hanshin?
- Does love need a reason? - Well, still...
Isn't it enough to simply love?
Everything has a reason.
Cause and effect? I didn't know you were a scholar, Takano-san.
What's your area? Physics? Maths?
Neither. I don't even know if I can get into university.
Me, I'm good at both.
- Both physics and maths? - Yes.
I'm impressed.
But my father sees my future in Takarazuka Theater.
- As a dancer in the Takarazuka troupe? - Yes.
- And my mum wants me to be a doctor. - A woman doctor?
- But I'm going to be a journalist. - A newspaper reporter?
Yes, I want to travel abroad. Do you think it's too bold a dream?
A person like you can do anything.
I'm sure you will be Takarazuka's biggest star.
You're too kind.
- I mean it! - Well, thank you!
I managed to graduate from high school.
Then, I got a place in the university I dreamed about.
- Good morning! - Morning.
But at the end of my first year, I was hospitalized for the fourth time.
From the lively Kyoto, with its Gion Festival, I moved to Osaka.
You also got a part-time job in Osaka at that time.
One cold beer. Hundred yen, please.
Who would like cold beer?
- Here you go. Cold beer! - Hey!
- Cold beer! - I'd like one.
- How much? - Hundred yen.
Cold beer!
Who wants a beer?
Excuse me.
Sorry I made you wait. Michiko Kojima here.
- Michiko-san? It's me. - Huh?
It's Takano.
Takano-san?
- Didn't expect to hear from me? - No. Where are you?
- Here, in the lobby. - In the hospital?
Why didn't you come up? You don't know which ward I'm in?
I do. Eastern wing, ward 711. Right?
- Yes. Do come up! - Coming.
I've come to see a woman, after all. Have to observe the formal etiquette.
Anyways, I'm coming.
Have a seat.
Matches.
Ash tray.
No cigarettes left.
- How long has it been? - Two years, I think...
No, three. I was preparing for my university entrance exams then.
How did you know I'm here?
You wrote in your letter that you could be going to hospital.
Yes.
- How long have you been here? - I left Kyoto on the 11th.
I wrote to your address in Nishiwaki to ask how you were...
...but when I got no reply, I assumed you were at the hospital.
- Have I changed? - Not at all.
That's not true. I have a band on my eye now.
- Is it imflammated? - Yes.
- Does it hurt? - No. It's just annoying.
We've been writing to each other for two years.
- This must be strange, isn't it? - It's not.
But two years is a long time.
We're both in university now.
You're going back to university next semester, right?
I'm looking for a part-time job in Kyoto for the winter holidays.
I wonder what Kyoto is like in winter.
Right, Shinshū is wonderful in winter.
Let's go to the mountains together for the holidays.
Great plan, isn't it?
But first I need to make enough money.
- Here you go. - Thanks.
Takano, where do you go each evening?
Exactly. It's getting suspicious.
None of your business.
Be careful! Stop that...
Don't worry. I have a part-time job cleaning windows.
If I fall down, I'm dead, though.
Get off! It's too dangerous.
Look, the glass is clean.
And suddenly the Osaka sky isn't as gray anymore.
Yes, it's much better now.
Looks like there's no smog anymore. Be careful!
I'm going to Shinshū again.
The sky is wonderful there.
It's great in this part of autumn.
Every time I come there from Tokyo, I enjoy...
The food?
It's the air! The clean air and the blue sky.
Then, I climb Mount Akagi.
I take my mum's rice balls with me.
Exactly like in the Momotarō legend.
There are ermines on Mount Akagi.
You know what an ermine is, right?
Something like a squirrel.
It hops around and has a cute face.
And little pretty eyes, like yours.
Does it also have a band?
A band?
Seven period.
The Hanshin are playing against the Tokyo Giants!
- Hanshin against Tokyo Giants? - Yes.
The score is 2:0. Kochi College is ahead...
Cheater!
Sorry!
Stop it! A doctor or a nurse might come in!
- No. - Gotcha, cheater!
I hope you understand now why I said what I said on the third day in Osaka.
At that time, I didn't know that my illness was so serious.
I had been exposed to radiation so many times.
I said I was getting better, but I was constantly worried about a recurring tumor.
I thought about us a lot. And I realized how hard it is to preserve this fragile flower.
So, for the sake of your happiness, I decided to leave quietly.
Are you tired?
No. I'm enjoying myself.
But you had to escape from work. Sorry.
Don't worry about that.
Do you mind if I call you Mako? And I'll be Miko.
If Michiko-san is Miko, then Makoto should be Mako. Sounds good.
Mako and Miko. Miko and Mako.
Sounds nice. I like it.
Mi-chan! Miko!
Say once again what you said in the park today.
Don't be mad. I'll make you some tea.
I don't want any tea!
What did you mean with that?
You don't believe me?
Tea or coffee?
If your feelings have changed, just say so, Miko!
They haven't!
But you said yourself...
...that if your condition worsens, we won't see each other anymore.
You still haven't understood what my illness is?
Whatever it is, I won't break up with you.
Do you want two cubes?
My father always puts three.
He has a sweet tooth. You know...
...on a hot day, hot drinks are very refreshing.
Nonsense.
Mako, did you really get mad?
Of course I did.
Really?
Really.
If that's the case, sorry.
Don't apologize.
Why not?
Because I'm not mad anymore...
The Bon Festival in Osaka ended and September started.
That day I thought about going back to my studies.
Then, my doctor came to see me.
Hello.
What have you decided about university?
I decided to drop out, as you recommended.
I see. But if you want to study, there are other ways.
- Would you like some delicious tea? - Yes, thank you.
I haven't had your great tea in a while.
I haven't seen you for a few days.
Has it been so long since we last saw each other?
It must have been a week.
Anyways, I wanted to talk to you.
I know what you usually say. You won't surprise me.
You're so smart.
That's why I find it so hard to talk to you.
Are you afraid I will start crying?
That wouldn't be nice. Still, let's talk.
Alright.
That day, my doctor told me everything.
He said that modern medicine couldn't treat my illness.
No one knows how much time I have left...
...because no one knows much about this illness yet.
I took it surprisingly well at the time.
Maybe I was already expecting it.
I decided that I had to tell you about my illness immediately.
In order to be happy, you had to choose a different path.
I knew it only too well.
But I also knew I would be lonely without you...
...and I didn't have the courage to write a farewell letter.
But I'm done thinking about it. So, I'm just going to say goodbye.
Mako, you grew up in the mountains. You can overcome any challenge.
That's why I fell in love with you.
Mako, you taught me to love people.
And made me realize how important love is.
This knowledge will help me in medical and social work.
I have to forget the past.
Mako, from now on, the old Miko is dead.
This letter is meant to break off our relationship.
Mako, I'm very grateful to you for becoming the best thing...
...in the twenty years of my life.
Thank you, Mako.
Mako, thank you.
Mako, please, be happy.
I will say this two, three times...
Goodbye.
Goodbye...
Taiyo Bakery? Accountancy department, please.
I'm Makoto Takano, I work there part-time.
The day after tomorrow is my pay day. Can I get the money today?
I need it urgently.
And this too. Please!
Miko!
What are you doing here?
You know now what my illness is, don't you?
I understood it without your letter.
I'm not that stupid.
So, why did you come?
Does your letter mean that you don't love me anymore?
I don't. Now that you've heard it, you can go back to Tokyo.
Do you want me to leave?
You have to study.
Study and leave you?
Yes, leave me.
Do you really want to break up?
I will never leave you! Sorry, but I won't.
Mako, if you really love me...
...let's die together.
I have enough pills for both of us.
Stupid!
I'm not going to die. If you want to die, you can do it alone.
I didn't know you give up so easily.
I will die alone! Give me the pills.
I won't!
Give them to me!
There are many ways to die. You can jump out of the window.
It's 20 meters to the ground and there's cobblestone down there.
Jump and you will die like a frog run over by a truck.
If you don't believe in love, you can die. But I'm not going to.
I would understand it if you fought with your illness and lost.
But you're giving up without a struggle.
What about your parents who raised you?
Your father and mother took care of you when you were sick.
I don't know your parents' financial situation.
But I know they had to close up shop.
Imagine how your father will feel after having spent so much on your treatment.
If you have such ideas now, it would be better to...
...just flush all their money down the toilet!
What money did you study in the university for?
How much do you think it cost them?
I love you with a different kind of love.
If you weren't sick...
...I would strangle you for such words!
I was being so mean. Forgive me! Forgive me!
Miko.
Miko...
Mako, are you leaving?
Well, yes.
I got a grip on myself. Don't worry.
Tomorrow your father is arriving from Nishiwaki.
- You told my father? - I did.
Why did you do that?
When I read your letter, I understood I couldn't do it alone.
That's why I called your brother in Yokohama and sent a telegram to Nishiwaki.
- It will be the first time you see my father. - That's right.
How should I introduce you?
Any way you like, Miko.
Just don't tell him I'm no good at kissing.
- That's vulgar! - I'm sorry.
Mako, come look.
The Osaka sky is so beautiful!
As you saw on the X-ray...
...Kojima-san's chondrosarcoma developed between the mouth and the nose.
Now it's growing and spreading into the bone around the nose.
We believe that the sarcoma will keep spreading.
It's only a matter of time before it penetrates the brain.
That's why we were putting...
...a lot of hope in radiation therapy, but it didn't work.
Now, in order to save Kojima-san's life...
...the affected part of the bone must be removed together with the healthy tissue.
We don't see any other way.
But in Kojima-san's case...
...the surgery would mean...
...removing the left part of the face.
For such a young girl...
...it's hard to accept such surgery.
If we do proceed with the surgery...
...and remove half of her face...
...will it save Michiko-san's life?
Let me sum up what I said before to her father.
Firstly, doing surgery is better than not doing it.
Because that will increase the chances of saving her.
Secondly, in the case of surgery...
...there is no guarantee that it would completely remove the sarcoma.
Thirdly, even if a tumor is fully removed...
...there's a risk of it recurring over the next five years.
Only if there's no change for the worse in five years...
...can we say for sure that her life has been saved.
Right now, her chances range between 15 and 20 percent.
How long does she have without the surgery?
Based on statistics, the average life expectancy for patients with chondrosarcoma is five years.
Five years? A patient with such a disease has only five years?
Based on the data we have, yes.
But in Kojima-san's case...
...it has already been five years.
I think it's a favorable sign.
Right, it's been five years.
But do you mean that without surgery...
...Michiko-san can die at any moment?
From a professional point of view, this is what science tells us.
And I've already told her about it.
I understand.
As a father...
...I don't care about her looks.
I think the surgery has to be done.
I totally agree with what you expressed.
I had hoped that Hanshin would win the championship for the first time in 15 years.
But there were two defeats in a row against Taiyo.
Looks like it's not going to happen this year.
Yes, it was the end for Hanshin's hopes...
...and your joy was short-lived.
Right, Mister, the Tigers were really determined.
True, but I understand your insistence.
"If Hanshin wins the championship..."
"...my illness will subside too".
- Remember you said that? - Yes.
I said,"If Hanshin can win the championship, I can survive".
That's right, you're always rooting for Hanshin.
If I can't be their president, I'll be their fan.
Excuse me. Michiko-san, your father wants to see you.
- See you later, Mister. - Thank you very much.
- Send my greetings to your father. - Yes!
Goodbye.
Dad, that man sends you greetings.
I was talking to the doctor.
I think you should get the surgery.
I agree with your father.
Dad, that would mean removing half of my face...
...and one of my eyes.
I'll have the face of a ghost.
You think it's worth living like that?
What do you think, Mako?
Mi-chan, you've thought about suicide once, right?
Not once. At least two or three times.
But you managed to overcome those thoughts.
So, I want you to be brave yet again.
You need this surgery.
I understand you. I'm grateful to you, dad, and to you, Mako...
...and to you, doctor, for your work.
But I don't think that kind of life is worth living.
This is too big of a sacrifice for me.
When it comes to the surgery...
...you don't have to make a decision right now.
Michiko-san, please, don't dismiss this option right away.
Consider it carefully.
That's all I ask for.
That's right.
Well, your father needs to get on his train.
Osaka Station
Stay well.
Dad, take care too!
See you.
Let's go.
Mako, I'll agree to the surgery.
Life is worth living.
Mako, it's time to get up.
I finished working with the patients.
How are you feeling, Mako?
Morning.
- Still sleepy? - What time is it?
It's nine. Mako, change your shirt.
I'll wash that one. The weather is great today.
Okay!
- The towel and the toothbrush are on the table. - Thank you.
- Mako, don't forget to shave too. - Okay!
I put a new blade in the razor.
Thank you.
Mako, leave that. I'll wash it later.
I've washed my things myself since I was a little kid.
I'm at your disposition right now.
It's an extra service?
Men justify their laziness by saying it's a women's duty.
Well then, suit yourself.
- Do you remember, Mako? - What?
Two years ago.
That's right. I first met you in the kitchen of the south building.
Do you remember it?
You were doing the dishes just like today and humming something.
I was humming a song of the Nishiwaki school.
It's not the most popular one.
- You have a great memory, Mako. - Not at all.
I just remember everything about you.
Really? Shall we repeat it?
Weren't you an extra in movies?
That is my part-time job.
According to the script, you're a policeman confronted with a student protest.
Oh no!
Alright. Let's do it like the last time.
With pleasure! Sounds great!
Let's begin, then.
Were you doing the laundry, then?
This will act as a kettle.
- I came to boil a kettle. - I remember.
Let's begin.
- I'm ready. - Start.
A water beetle in the Kako stream...
...doesn't know where the sea is.
A plane flashed in the sky...
Are you attending to a patient?
I'm a patient myself.
Are you? You look well for a patient.
And you must be a student. Where?
I'm not doing anything right now.
It must be nice to be doing nothing.
But having nothing to do for a whole year is too much.
On a cold morning, when the northern wind blows...
The love inside her heart keeps everything warm.
Flowers open up with a smile.
And wave their little green leaves.
I hear the spring in the northern wind.
Sounds good.
You're too kind...
Mako, tell me what you want for dinner.
Cabbage rolls, hamburger steak, grilled liver, pork cutlets...
...beef curry with veggies...
...sauté with minced beef...
...and macaroni beef gratin.
We need a fire for all that. It won't do.
Everything is so delicious.
Let me look.
These are newspaper clippings.
Roast saury: cut off the head, disembowel, wash carefully...
So many clippings.
There's something about everything: from clothes to child-rearing.
This is great!
You won't believe it, Mako.
I wasn't hoping to get married, so I started collecting these clippings.
I'm terribly irrational.
I gave up on the idea of getting married and, instead, collect clippings from the family column.
Sometimes I make myself laugh.
Miko, you may have given up on marriage, but not me.
After you get your surgery done...
...I'll graduate and marry you.
If you're so concerned about your face, we can live in the mountains.
I'm fine with that.
Miko, you're causing yourself pain right now.
But you don't have to do that.
Do you understand, Miko?
Yes, I do.
I understand. I understand everything, Mako.
If that's true, then I don't want to hear those things again, yes?
I said I understood already. Say, let's go to the market together.
- Tea? - Still have it.
Already bought veggies.
Phoenix canariensis.
Mako, do you cook by yourself in the dorm?
They have people for that there.
Did you learn it In your part-time job?
No. My mum was really sick.
So, my brothers and I had to cook.
What do you eat in the dorm anyway?
Anything. The cheaper the better.
But, in general, food is alright there.
Mako, the day after tomorrow, you have a dorm party.
I'll come straight after it. I need to get myself ready for work.
I want you not to come for some time.
Why?
After the sarcoma is removed, I will need two years of plastic surgery.
I don't want you to see me during those two years.
When my face is restored, I'll write you a letter so you can come.
- Listen, Miko. - What?
- Can you read that neon sign over there? - I can.
- Hanshin department store. - And on the left?
Hankyu.
And behind that?
Are you worried about my eyes, Mako?
Not at all.
Mako, you know very well...
...what will happen to my eye.
I'll get the surgery. For both of us.
That's the spirit, Miko!
Go back to the university and stay calm.
Okay! Pinky promise?
Your hand is so cold, Miko.
You don't have to worry. My heart is warm now.
We agreed that Mako would leave on Saturday, October 20th.
I still can't believe we're going to be separated.
It's already the 5th.
We spent only four days together.
But, deep inside, it felt like we were already married.
Sunday, October 21st.
Mako has already left.
We won't see each other for two years.
If during these two years your feelings don't wane...
...and my face doesn't scare you, we'll get married.
During these two years, I will be crying and hoping you forget me.
Tonight, I'm feeling lonely again and can't sleep.
Tomorrow is your surgery.
That's all that matters.
I want you to get it with courage and confidence.
You have nothing to fear.
Your parents will be with you.
I will also be thinking about you.
The surgery will be a success.
Today, medicine, people and the gods are all on your side.
But I keep thinking about the surgery and I have a hard time sleeping at night.
That's why I decided to go to Shinshū.
There, among its beautiful rivers and mountains, I will pray for your surgery to go well.
Miko, stay strong! Hold on, Miko!
Scenes of surgery appear on a white wall...
...only to disappear without trace in a glimpse
The barking of a dog from the vivarium bursts into the ward...
...but quickly drowns in the cold of the night
Mi-chan.
How are you feeling after the surgery?
I'm back to Tokyo.
It's already winter in Shinshū.
The garden is full of fallen leaves. I used them to make a fire every day.
I remembered the song "Fallen Leaves" by Hideo Kô and was humming it.
By the river I was singing "River Flows".
I'm sure you didn't feel like singing during the surgery, though.
When I was away, a letter from your father came.
I read about the surgery and felt really relieved.
Mi-chan, I'm sure you're going to get well.
Whatever troubles you encounter, you will overcome them.
With your will to live, you'll even outlive me.
Somehow, I can't help feeling that way.
Mako, thank you for the letter.
At first, I was happy to feel alive again.
Then, I wanted to look in the mirror.
But I didn't.
I realized I shouldn't.
The cut went from the left side of my nose to the lip.
The left part of my upper jaw was removed. There's nothing under my eye right now.
How can my face be restored now?
I'm scared.
But I'm still dreaming about the future.
I will get well.
And I will live for two, five, ten and more years.
Both you and I, we will never get old.
Together we will travel to hidden places in the mountains and by the sea.
And we won't notice that we've aged.
Come in!
- Welcome, doctor. - Hi.
- How are you feeling? Happy? - Yes, very much so.
You mum has already left?
She's very busy at the end of the year.
You haven't been alone in a while.
- Do you feel lonely? - No.
Oh right, I have to apologize. I forgot that you get letters from Takano-kun every day.
I do.
I admire you.
A woman's love is so strong and powerful.
- I won't deny that. - It's true.
I advise my seriously ill patients to fall in love.
It helps them to recover.
I think it's a good idea.
You don't have to thank me.
Does it hurt to laugh after the surgery?
Just a bit. The surgery was done well.
Are you worried about your face?
- Do you want to see yourself in the mirror? - Better not.
I will look after the plastic surgery.
Yes, I consulted an otorhinolaryngologist about the operation.
In the morning, when the bandages were being put...
...I also asked if I could get plastic surgery soon.
I know you want to get back to social work and rehabilitation as soon as possible.
- That's why I talked to that doctor. - Yes.
Here's our conclusion: in order for the plastic surgery to go well...
...you need a six-months' break.
That means you'll be discharged until the end of the year.
And your surgery will be put off.
Remember, I'm just a radiologist.
I think about your safety first.
So, I agreed with this plan.
In view of all that, we're transferring you to the eighth floor.
You've recovered enough already...
...and I think it's better for you to be around other people and not alone.
Yes.
Although those people...
...are mostly 50-year-old women with different life experiences.
Still, it's the best place to put your social work into practice.
Did my father ask you to find a cheaper option for me?
No. Why do you ask?
Can I learn how to take care of patients on the eighth floor?
It's the best place there is.
That was my intention.
My illness cost my father a lot.
So, I'd rather be in a general ward.
Since you brought it up, you'd probably like to know more about the costs.
Yes.
As you can imagine...
...I've discussed all this with your father.
You know that your family is insured...
...so your treatment is partly covered by the government.
This is what is called in Japan, "social security".
In countries with a high standard of living...
...social security covers all medical expenses.
Japan hasn't reached this kind of standard yet.
Free medical care is now available mostly for poor people.
Many of them farmers and artisans.
Your family belongs to the middle class.
Well, you know.
For most Japanese families nowadays...
...a serious illness of one family member is a tragedy.
And then one tragedy leads to another, like a chain reaction.
The result of all that can be read in any newspaper.
You're a smart girl and I hope you don't misunderstand me.
The fact that your treatment is paid for by the government...
...shouldn't be a source of guilty conscience for you.
Do you know what I mean?
Come in!
- Did I disturb you? - Not at all. We were just talking.
Paying a courtesy call?
- You've got a love letter. - Thank you.
- Well, I'll leave you alone - Thank you.
- Keep me up-to-date. - I will.
Miko, hello!
You're already walking and putting bandages.
But don't be in too much of a hurry.
It's important that you recover fully.
And don't look in the mirror for now.
I'm worried that it might shock you.
But I shouldn't tell you what to do.
I had the same dream as you.
We are walking in the field holding hands.
The sky is blue, the grass is green...
We're fooling around like little children.
I hug and kiss you.
We see a small hill.
I carry you to the top in my arms.
I don't want you to get tired.
You say, "Mako, our house looks so small from here".
"Mako, what country is it?"
I say, "It's Japan! The most beautiful country in the world!"
Twilight descends, but we keep walking...
...and eventually get back to our little house with a red roof.
Michiko Kojima, Suma Nakai Toshi Satake, Hana Yoshikawa
It got away.
Michiko-san, you almost killed it.
This mouse is so fast.
I was the fastest in the 100 meters sprint at school, but this mouse is faster than me.
No wonder, it has four legs.
No athlete is a match for it.
We have things to learn from mice.
I didn't manage this time, but next time I will kill it.
How is your mouse hunt?
How many have you killed?
Doctor, they're escaping too fast and hiding in the holes.
- We couldn't kill a single one. - Mice want to live too.
That's true.
- How do you fell? - Good, thank you.
Knitting again?
For who this time?
It's going to be a bag for my mum.
- Don't strain your eyes. - Yes.
You know, doctor...
...it's become much nicer here since Michiko joined us.
She's such a kind girl. We all love her, you know, doctor?
Stop embarassing me if you don't want me to hide in a hole like a mouse.
Say, doctor.
How come such a nice girl got so sick?
Only God knows that.
You're a doctor. You should know that God doesn't exist.
- You're not some "ogamuya" after all. - What is "ogamuya"?
From the Soka Gakkai sect.
What does Soka Gakkai have to do with it?
Their followers are called "ogamuya"!
Doctor, I feel something hard here, like a bone.
What?
Do you think the tumor is back?
The tumor?
I don't think so.
You don't have a reason to worry.
- Are you sure? - You're healthy now.
You should hope for the best.
That makes me feel better.
- Do you need to go to the bathroom? - Yes...
Are you alright?
- Be careful. - I got this.
Thank you.
I can do it...
Such a caring girl.
Yoshikawa-san is pretending to be helpless.
She's taking advantage of other people's kindness.
That's true. She can afford it when there's someone so helpful around.
Tuesday, January 29th. It's sunny.
This lump under my right eye...
...was making me nervous.
Eventually, I asked the doctor about it.
Looks like, even in case of surgery on the right side, there's no risk of losing eyesight.
I keep thinking about the surgery again. I hate this damn chondrosarcoma.
It robbed me of my youth.
It brought tears to my parents' and Mako's eyes.
But I won't give up. I will never give up!
How are you, gran?
I'm fine
The girl is so big now.
My sweet girl.
- How's everybody? - Everyone's doing well.
Look, gran!
It's time for me to discharge. I can continue treatment at home.
Two cups of tea on a box of tangerines.
A dim light bulb under the low ceiling.
For some reason, there's a radio in the room.
Such a wonderful dream.
Two people are sitting next to each other and listening to it.
I would really like this...
At least for one day.
Long phone conversations are expensive. I have to hang up.
So, goodbye. Goodbye!
See you tonight in my dream.
Goodbye, Mako. Goodnight.
Have a good night.
Michiko-san, did you have a nice conversation?
Was it your boyfriend from Tokyo?
If he loves Michiko-san, he must be a good person.
He's probably good-looking too.
They say "handsome" nowadays.
Who are you talking about?
About the guy who called her.
Your birthday is on the last day of winter?
Yes.
Yoshikawa-san, you should get her a good present.
I should.
Well, you don't have to worry about that.
My mum will arrange presents for everyone.
Come in!
- Here you go, Kojima-san. - Thank you.
One more package from Tokyo.
Look how happy she is!
Monday, February 4th. It's sunny.
Yesterday, I celebrated my 21st birthday...
...but I still feel over the moon today.
The decision about the next surgery will be made tomorrow afternoon.
I used to want to give up on life.
And now I'm looking forward to the next surgery.
Even if it goes badly, it will prolong my life for three months.
I will pray for tomorrow's surgery to go well.
For the sake of my Mako who loves me so much and takes care of me.
Mako has final exams right now.
So, I'd better not tell him about the surgery.
What I want the most right now...
...is to lock myself in a room...
...and just cry alone in there.
- Takano-san, urgent letter for you. - Thank you.
What? Another love letter?
Excuse me.
Hello! Mako? It's me.
Miko! Why did you hide it from me?
Why didn't you tell me that you had surgery today?
I just got a letter from your father.
The surgery was unsuccessful. They discovered a recurrent tumor and stopped the operation.
Miko, are you there? Why aren't you saying anything?
Mako, the surgery went badly.
Don't be mad.
It's just that I know you have exams...
...and I didn't want to interfere with your preparation.
That's why I didn't tell you.
What's more important, my exams or your surgery?
You have a recurrent tumor and you're getting worse.
And your father is telling me to forget about you and study?
Are you listening? Here's what he writes.
"Based on all that above, please don't worry about Michiko anymore".
"Just get on with your studies".
Can you believe that?
Forget about you and get on with my studies? I can't do that!
I'm a human with human emotions. I can't just switch like a machine.
Listen, Miko, the doctor knew it would end like this five years ago.
And he didn't do anything.
He put you in the hospital, promised to help you...
...and then he discharged you even though you hadn't recovered.
I won't let him do this to you anymore.
It's cruel. What are those doctors doing?
People aren't guinea pigs! What are scientists thinking?!
They invented a nuclear bomb, but they can't cure an illness?
Damn it.
I will come there and burn down that hospital!
Miko, I'm going crazy.
I've been thinking about it ever since you were transferred to another ward.
The doctor reassured us, but I didn't believe him.
And yet I kept saying to myself that everything would be okay.
Miko!
Will everything be okay?
Miko, don't die!
Just don't die!
You hate lies and criticize me for concealing the truth from you.
But don't be mad at me. I really am sorry.
I just want you to understand...
...that sometimes people have to make up sad lies.
Hello! You want to speak to Michiko Kojima?
Hold on.
Good evening, Mako.
Miko? It's me. Sorry for what I said.
I just lost it.
I don't know what got into me.
I shouldn't have vented my frustration on you.
I'm sorry, Miko!
Mako, are you drunk?
I can smell it even here in Osaka.
Yes, I got drunk.
After saying such things to you...
...I couldn't not get drunk.
I was on my way home...
...and I wanted to write an apology letter.
But a letter isn't good enough.
I had to apologize to you in person.
No, I'm the one who should apologize.
Actually...
...I decided to embroider a napkin for you as a present.
A napkin? For me?
I have a great design in mind. I think you will like it.
More and more patients from my ward are getting discharged.
I'm feeling so lonely now. Please, write more often.
Mako, what are you doing?
Did you fall asleep?
I can hear you snoring. That's bad, Mako!
Hang up and go to bed.
Are you Nakayama-san?
Yes. I'm Nakayama.
I'm from the same ward as Nakai-san, who's getting discharged today.
My name is Michiko Kojima.
Oh, so it's you!
I heard a lot about you from Nakai-san.
- You did? - Yes.
- It's for you from Nakai-san. - Huh, for me? I appreciate it.
Now I will do your laundry instead of Nakai-san.
No way.
Such a young girl as you shouldn't do it.
We're all equal here. Don't hesitate to ask me.
I will be glad to help if I can.
Really now? I have no words to thank you.
Michiko-san, do you know anything about Soka Gakkai?
Not really.
No wonder if you're Christian.
Do I look like a Christian?
You sure do.
What makes you say that?
Do you remember when Satake-san told you about Soka Gakkai?
Yes.
And you just smiled in response without saying anything.
I've been observing you.
You care about people a lot.
You're a real Christian.
I'm sorry, but I don't believe in either the Chrisitan God or Buddha.
Are you serious?
That's right, I just really like the atmosphere of Doshisha University.
But I'm not Christian.
How strange...
I didn't expect to hear that from you.
At such a young age, you are constantly showing kindness and care.
In spite of your condition, you never lose your spirit and are always optimistic.
I was sure that you're a devout Christian.
Thank you for the nice words, but you're mistaken.
Seems like Endo-san from the next ward isn't doing well.
You think so?
She was very weak.
And her heart was in a bad condition too.
Besides, she had enuresis and encopresis.
Mum! Mum!
Endo-san must have died...
The one who is crying now...
...is Endo-san's daughter. But she didn't love her mother.
When she payed a visit, she said that it would be better for her mother to die.
And now that her mother is dead, she is crying bitterly.
Saturday, May 21st. It's raining.
I'm going to get an X-ray again today.
I'm scared maybe because of what happened last time.
The doctor hasn't talked to me about the last surgery.
I want to ask him, but I can't bring myself to do it.
I feel like I don't have long left to live.
Last night, a patient from the next ward died.
I can't help thinking about it.
I'm always so excited to receive your letter.
But this time I was especially happy!
"Melt water flows over the white stones and fills the valley."
"Birds are chirping on the branches of tress covered with first leaves."
"I don't know if there's another place like this where you can feel such freshness."
"I would really like to take you there."
Mako, please take me to Shinshū.
I don't know how hard it is, but let's climb that mountain you talked about.
Of course, you'll have to carry the backpack.
Let's go boating on the lake too.
The lake must be very beautiful.
The mountains reflected in the crystal-clear water.
I think the lake is described in some old novel.
I think there's something l magical about it.
I would really like you to show me everything in Shinshū.
Mako, I'm looking forward to finishing your napkin.
- Hey, is that your bag by the door? - What? Oh yes.
Your head is always in the clouds.
Put your finger on the inner corner of your eye and move it along the eyelid applying light pressure.
Do this exercise every day for 5-10 minutes...
...and you will be surprised how beautiful your skin becomes.
Turn on the music and keep massaging your eyelid.
Preening your feathers?
Come in. I'm so glad to see you.
It's hard having only one half of your face.
You have to try to be twice or three times more attractive.
That's true. I just felt like paying a visit to my lovely daughter.
It's so nice to hear that.
- I brought you some cakes. - Thank you.
And mum got some dresses for you to try on.
How great, I'm happy!
Dad, it's hot in here. Would you like to take off your jacket?
Sure.
Have you been studying Social Assistance?
Doctor Okamoto gave me that book.
Doctor Okamoto?
Before the last-year's surgery, I told him that I wanted to do social work.
It's that doctor from Toyonaka?
- We've talked about that. - I apologize.
I've had so much on my mind lately...
Let's look at mum's gifts.
It's so beautiful!
Dad, will you wait over there and read about social work?
- I'd like to change. - Of course.
I'm now the only one left in the ward.
Everyone else got discharged.
Soon, you'll get your plastic surgery and you'll start doing social work.
I see, Social Assistance work certainly isn't easy.
"In order to build rapport with a patient..."
"...a social worker has to understand their personality".
"It's important to maintain mutual understanding..."
"...be sensible and supportive..."
"...and make a patient feel secure".
"Always encourage a patient".
Dad! So, how do I look?
Wonderful from behind...
...but a ghost from the front.
So, what do you think?
You look very beautiful. It suits you.
You're just as pretty as your mum when she was young.
Thank you.
Dad, I'll give you a private fashion show.
Wait for us!
Dad, how about this? Looks stylish, doesn't it?
It's good. Very good!
Would you like to go for a ride?
- In a car? - Yes, a ride.
You should get some air.
Great! Dad, I love you!
Sunday, May 26th. It's sunny.
My father suddenly came.
We drove around the evening Osaka.
I guess my father realized I don't have much time left. That's why he arranged this.
I realized it too, but I laughed along.
I think my father felt like crying inside.
So did I, even though outside I was laughing.
My father took me back to the hospital and went home to Nishiwaki.
I've never had such a pleasant and sad day at the same time.
Thank you.
I'm sorry you had to wait.
You don't have to worry.
I'll take today's laundry.
Have some rest for a day, at least.
You take such good care of me. I'm embarrassed.
It's a nice day. It's time to do some laundry.
- Okay, but don't work too much. - It's fine. Don't worry.
Sorry for that.
- See you. - Thank you again.
- Are you from the eighth floor? - Yes.
- Where are we now? - In the basement of the northern block.
You're famous now.
Don't you think that's a bit too much?
What do you mean?
I know what you're doing.
You go to one ward to clean, then to the next to do the laundry.
It's a publicity stunt. Admit it.
What's wrong with helping sick people?
It makes you feel good, but it makes everyone else feel bad.
Who are you?
What do you care?
Because of the likes of you, I lost my reputation.
I don't know what you're talking about.
What? You don't know?
I'll show you!
You've got nothing where your eyes should be!
Take it off!
Show everyone what a monster you are!
Monster! You fool!
You monster!
I just want three days free from the hospital and this illness.
Just one day to visit home.
One more day to see you.
And one more day to be alone and have fun.
I only want three days.
And then I'll just laugh and thank you forever for them
I'm happy that you got your first full-time job.
I'm imagining your face as I'm making a stitch after stitch.
Even if it turns out ugly, you should appreciate my sincere effort.
If the napkin gets dirty, soak it in detergent and dry without wringing.
Then, when it is dry, turn it over and iron the underside.
If it sounds difficult, just don't bother to wash it!
Did I explain it clearly?
Here you go.
- And for you. - Thank you.
Mako, you fool.
Does it hurt that much?
My head feels so heavy like it's full of lead.
You can eat a bit later, then.
I'm so sorry.
You don't want to eat?
- Should I take this away? - Yes.
There's a game between Tokyo Giants and Hanshin.
Kojima-san, you've got a call from Tokyo!
Kojima-san, you've got a call from Tokyo.
Okay!
Can you walk?
Yes...
- Are you sure you're okay? - I'm fine...
Mako, good evening. So, have you been alright?
- Miko, have you been well? - Yes, very much.
Are you sure? I heard what the nurse said.
Was she talking to you?
You know what's going on, so you don't worry...
...if I don't have much energy, Mako.
Okay, It's just that what she said got me worried.
- I was just going to call you. - Really?
Miko, thank you for the napkin. It looks great.
You already got it? I'm glad to hear that.
I'm holding it in my hands right now. It's like looking into your eyes.
I can even smell you. For real.
It's either you or the hospital.
That's right. Does the smell of the hospital make you feel nostalgic, Mako?
That said, I really do reek of hospital.
And it's a little sad.
Hey, quiet over there!
They're so loud. Can you hear me?
The guys from the dorm are rooting for the Tokyo Giants.
But I'm supporting Hanshin, like you, Miko.
You're probably listening to it on the radio?
I knew it.
The game is ending soon.
Well, see you.
It's too loud in here. I'm hanging up. Okay.
I wish good luck to Hanshin.
But, Miko, are you sure you're okay?
Alright, goodnight. Goodnight!
Goodnight.
I'm so glad you're feeling better.
Thank you. I can't believe it myself.
Talking with a loved one is a powerful cure.
I was suddenly overcome with feelings.
- Did it hurt? - A little bit.
I won't lie and tell you that it didn't hurt at all.
Mrs. Yamakawa.
- Come in. - Hello.
So, that's what your face looks like.
Yes, remember this face.
Shall we sit here for a bit?
Did you like it at the otolaryngologist?
That's right, you should soak up the smell of hospital.
Exactly. This way, when I come back, I'll feel that you are with me.
Are you leaving tonight?
I have to. I have to go to work.
You had to pay for the hotel.
Do you have enough money for a ticket back?
Don't worry. I bought a return ticket.
I'll give you some money to buy lunch then.
Two hundred yen should be enough.
Thank you.
- Say, do you want to go to the roof? - Sure.
Fallen leaves are floating on the water.
A river is flowing through the valley.
My short-lived dream didn't come true.
And my eyes are filled with sorrow.
The sunset is reflected in the water.
Listen, Mako...
What?
I'll walk you to the hospital entrance. Leave and don't look back.
At twilight, a river...
...flowing through the valley takes away...
...all human sorrows.
I stand and watch this living flow.
Tomorrow will be a new day. There won't be any reason to cry.
Do you want that burnt?
Yes, I want to burn this.
Then, put it over there.
I'll burn it today.
- Thank you. - Let me take it.
Are you sure you don't need this?
It's fine. Burn it, please.
As you wish.
Did these belong to someone who died?
No, they're from someone who will die soon.
- Soon? - Yes, very soon.
- Mister! - What?
Will it turn to smoke?
Yes, everything turns to smoke.
People die and turn to smoke too.
Kojima-san!
Michiko-san!
Ah, Nakayama-san, I'm so glad to see you.
How have you been? How are you feeling?
- I'm sorry I don't do your laundry anymore. - It doesn't matter.
I came to apologize.
Nevermind her. She was being hysterical.
- It looked a bit scary. - I'm sure it did.
That woman has schizophrenia.
They say she abandoned her child and was just roaming around.
And when she saw you, she just vented her anger on you.
I was really mad when I found out.
I thought about what that woman said and realized she was right.
It was a good lesson for me.
That sounds like a horrible lesson.
I'm sorry. Let me apologize.
Is that why you came to see me?
You could say that.
But, most importantly, I wanted to see your face.
My monster-like face? You have a terrible taste.
Not at all. The face I'm talking about is the most beautiful one in the world.
You shouldn't be upset.
You have a nice view here!
My ward is in the basement. All I can see is the ground.
- You know, Nakayama-san... - What?
I was just looking out of the window and thinking.
- Do you know what I was thinking about? - Of course.
Probably about a handsome young man walking past.
I was thinking about jumping and killing myself.
If you had come earlier, you wouldn't have found me here.
Don't you dare talk about that even in jest!
I understand.
Whether you mean it seriously or as a joke...
...you shouldn't talk about wanting to kill yourself.
Please, Michiko-san, I ask you not to do it.
I have such a long-awaited guest, and I don't even have anything to offer you.
Don't worry. You've already done a lot for me.
Really now?
- Here, take this. - Huh?
If I take this, don't you think you'll miss it?
Don't worry.
- I don't want it anymore. - Are you sure?
Okay, then.
I will take care of it and think about you.
Thank you.
Hey, Takano, you still playing?
Mako, thank you.
It was very nice to hear you play.
But it's time to hang up or your phone bill is going to be huge.
If you call here, people get mad.
It was really nice of you, really, Mako.
Thank your friends for me.
Goodnight.
Miko, have a good night. Goodbye.
Goodbye, Mako.
Where's the girl that used to be here?
Kojima-san has been transferred to the seventh floor. Ward 711.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Mako, it's you!
How have you been?
I feel much better now that you're here, Mako.
This ward brings back memories.
We stayed here together.
A lot of things happened here.
- When were you transferred here? - Yesterday.
I haven't unpacked yet.
Alright! Let me help you, then.
You must be tired after your train trip.
Are your parents coming?
Mum was here a couple of days ago.
But she left because she didn't want to disturb me.
Mako, I'm sorry I didn't get well.
You have nothing to apologize for.
You came for nothing again.
I've changed so many wards.
That's right. I still owe you 200 yen.
I'll pay you back next time.
- No need. - That would be wrong.
Money is precious for both of us.
Your birthday is coming soon.
August 8th, is it?
You remember everything.
What do you want as a present?
No need for a present. It's a waste of money.
You seem to have less things now.
Didn't you have more dolls?
Mako, what do you want for your birthday?
It's still a long time away.
Oh, almost forgot.
I brought pictures of mountains.
The Shinshū mountains?
Like I promised.
We're still going to climb to the top together.
This is Mount Akagi.
Such a beautiful mountain.
Let's climb it right now.
I'd love to.
What about your shoes? You'll get blisters without the right shoes.
It's okay, I'll be fine.
Let's go, then. You go first, I'll be right behind you.
I'll be keeping an eye on you.
Thank you.
Don't walk too fast, or you'll get tired quickly.
Like this is fine?
That's a good rhythm.
We'll take this route. It's not too complicated.
I wonder if you'll be alright, Miko. I can carry you if you're tired.
But you're already carrying both of our backpacks!
How are you going to carry me on top of that?
I weigh as much as 45 kilos.
- It probably would be too much. - It would.
Here we are on the pine clearing.
We've walked about eight stations.
Mako, I'm really thirsty.
Is there any water left in the flask?
You shouldn't drink too much.
Okay, I guess I'll be patient, then.
Let's have some rest here. Look, I think there's an ermine over there.
No...
You can't do that, Miko. Sit down, you can't overwork yourself.
Yes, I should sit down.
It's alright if you're feeling a bit dizzy.
Look, there's something written on a stone.
"Nishiwaki, Hyōgo Prefecture". Isn't this your native town?
The students of Nishiwaki high school were here.
Look, it says "Michiko Kojima".
Indeed...
That girl also climbed the mountain.
Come on, let's keep walking.
No, it's too misty.
Misty?
There's mist over there, isn't it?
Right, of course there is.
Mountains are dangerous when it's misty.
But I'm not afraid of light mist like this.
Sometimes thick mist ascends from the gorge and it looks like milk.
Then, you can't see anything.
But you can see through this mist.
Let's go. Miko, it's alright.
Mako, you're lying. You're Mako, the liar.
There's no mist. It's my eyes.
My eye... I only have one eye...
...and I can't see with it either.
Mako, you said that you hated lies.
Why do you lie, then?
You said that you hated lies.
Why do you lie?
You said that you hated lies. Why do you lie?
You said that you hated lies.
Why do you lie?
The tumor has spread on my other eye.
It will soon spread to the brain, and, then, my life will be over.
How long do I have left - a few days, a few hours?
My every heartbeat...
...sounds like my death toll.
The doctor, my parents...
...Mako and myself, we all know it.
But no one dares to say it out loud.
I will disappear from the face of the earth forever.
I wonder what death is like?
I feel like my whole life has been one big lie.
I lived a life, but it turned out I never had it.
I can't help feeling that way.
Can I have a quick word with the mother?
Hey, Miko.
Your mum is here. And I have to leave now.
Mako...
...when will you come again?
As soon as possible.
Come back in the morning.
If you don't come, I may die.
Miko, get some sleep.
That's what you got that injection for.
I can't sleep.
Just close your eyes, then.
What for?
I can't leave as long as you're looking at me.
Fine, I'll try to sleep.
Maybe this is how I'll die...
Miko... goodbye.
Mako...
...I'm sorry I didn't get well.
Mako...
...I'm sorry I...
Kojima-san.
Michiko-san!
I should have died instead of you.
I should have died instead of you!
Miko!
On August, 7th, 1963, at 11:25.
Michiko Kojima died of chondrosarcoma
THE END